I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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