i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize