Define "chronic" masturbator.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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