What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
