I just saw a hot homeless man
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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