The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
