yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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