when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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