i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found your dick twin last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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