hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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