no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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