So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
