She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
