I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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