where am i from again
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
