With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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