My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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