I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
