Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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