I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this just has baby written all over it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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