my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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