god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
