I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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