I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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