I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
