I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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