Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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