Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
