he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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