Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sober January is a disaster.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
