So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
