I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
