shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
