we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am naked and annoyed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
