If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
