TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize