I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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