From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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