I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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