shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
