We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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