Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could fuck to npr.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
