thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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