this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
