the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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