There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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