somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
