fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
