i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
