he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Randomize
