I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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