If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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