Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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