I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
