she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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