i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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