the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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