you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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