12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
