I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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