he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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