So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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