I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
