She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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