Don't you send me to vm
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
