Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize