mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
please don't ironically join a cult
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