don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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