so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
